Something that has existed for quite a while but has certainly come to more prominence in Tasmania in recent years is the idea of ‘Direct Cremation’, also known as a no service no attendance cremation.
Put simply, it is a process whereby a deceased person is collected from their place of death, the body cremated and the ashes returned to the Next of Kin. There is little or no input from family during this time, besides the mandatory paperwork and death registration information. There are online companies that solely focus on this as a service and because of its minimal interaction approach can offer this at a heavily discounted price. Most, if not all, funeral homes also have a direct cremation service but can offer other small touches to make care a bit more personalised.
Why families choose direct cremation
For some, a direct cremation might be the perfect solution to the legal requirements and body disposition at the end of life. Perhaps any extra dollars saved might be better gifted to others. Perhaps a more celebratory memorial service has been planned for a later date. Cultural or other personal reasons could also sit within this choice. And all of these are valid reasons, and you know your person and circumstances better than anyone.
The gap direct cremation can leave
Something we have noticed though, over the years of supporting families through the death of their beloved, is that the process of direct cremation can leave a gap in the bereavement journey.
A fleeting or sometimes no farewell at the place of death only to receive an urn with ashes a week or so later, can leave loved ones ‘scratching their heads’ a bit discombobulated as it were, as to what has just happened. There is a kind of disconnect in the process which makes coming to any kind of peaceful resolution over a death harder to come by. Logically our heads know, but it takes a bit of time for our hearts to catch up, as it were. The moment of death can leave our brains in a fog, which can last for a day or days, which makes any meaningful decision making a real challenge. So unless it has been clearly understood and accepted by the key decision makers prior to death, a direct cremation is perhaps not a choice to be made straight away when often we are at our most vulnerable.
If we don’t see our person regularly prior to death, because we live interstate for example, and we don’t have the opportunity to see them after death, we may often expect them to be on the other end of the phone when it rings, or expect to see them again the next time we are in town. These can all contribute difficulties in processing and understanding the physical non-existence of our beloved.
One More Moment
At Mary Eleanor we have designed what we call our ‘One More Moment’ to try and help bridge the divide created between life and death. It offers a space for a gathering of the ‘nearest and dearest’ to come and spend a moment or 3 with their person and each other before the deceased’s’ final journey to the crematorium. This is NOT a ‘witnessed’ cremation as we say our final farewells at our front gate. It is simply a gift of time together that can be used for viewing, decorating the cremation pod, placing tributes or flowers. Words can be spoken, poetry and music shared, before simple ‘blessing’ or committal words are spoken to honour our ‘parting of the ways’. Light refreshments are offered and a memorial card to keep as a lasting and treasured memory.
Choosing what feels right
For some a direct cremation may be all that is required or needed for body care at the end of life, and for others a more structured funeral. Somewhere in the middle can sit a One More Moment. But whatever the choices made around the care of a loved one after death, make sure it is well thought out and considered, and one that feels ‘just right’ as the consequences of such choice and decisions are guaranteed to last a lifetime!